Anthony Cobalt Hawkwind Blair (born 6 May 1953) is the current King of England, Lord of the Dance and MP for Hunstanton.
Family background
Born 6th May 1953 to Romani gypsies, Trevor Tallulabell Blair and Winnie Tinkerbell Fanny McTavish, Anthony enjoyed the quiet life, eating Daffodils and living in trees. In 1975, Anthony changed his name to ‘Tony’ and sought refuge with his local branch of the Labour party, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ with the Romani way as being his major reason for his change in direction.
In 1980, Tony married Cherry Boof, a local solicitor, mouth-model and part time Sunday league footballer. They have three sons, Alvin, Simon and Theodore.
Political career
After joining the Labour Party, Tony spent 9 years as a tea-boy before winning the post of Prime Minister in a raffle at a christmas party. In his first two years in that role, Tony changed the name of England to Legoland, sunk a battleship with a cannon, and installed a 20 foot wall around London. It is worth noting that in 1994 England regained it’s original name, and in 1999 the 20 foot wall was dismantled and made into the Millenium Dome.
In 2001, Tony sold Britain’s National Health Service to France for £20,000 and bought himself a Ford Focus. In a bizarre twist, the french government resold the NHS to Germany, for £23,000 and bought a Peugeot 307. Clearly they were robbed. The german government, already owning it’s own car, has vowed to keep the NHS until at least 2010, where it will gamble it away during that year’s FIFA World Cup.
Iraq War
Blair gave strong support to American President George Dubbleyoo Bush during the 2003 ‘War in Iraq’, and personally killed 24 Iraqi soldiers in a Rambo-esque mission early on during the campaign. A celebrated mercenary, Blair was first choice for the mission and dedicated his subsequent medal for bravery, to his dog, “Stalin”.
Party Members
- John Prescott – A larger than life, lovable rogue with a penchant for classic cars, salsa dancing and country homes. Prescott was Tony’s Deputy Prime Minister and for part of 1995, his lover.
- Robin Cook – Is like a little leprechaun.
Becoming a King
Tony became King of England, after a self-imposed referendum whereby he and John Prescott were the only legal voters, and only on the condition that Prescott could become Queen. Whilst many believe this to be travesty of justice, many supported his resurrection of the round table and his appointment of Jeremy Beadle as court jester.
Trivia
- Tony is a keen dogger. He may often be found around the car parks of London-based Tesco supermarkets.
- Tony was a member of the A-Team fan club until 2002, when he exchanged his membership for a pack of Super Trucks Top Trumps.
- Tony eats nothing but chocolate. He was declared a medical marvel in 2005, after news broke of his chosen diet. He is expected to die from over-indulgence in 2010, but no one has told him yet.
- Tony was the inspiration for the Kazuo Ishiguro novel, The Remains of the Day.