Tag Archives: dairylea

Fish Finger sandwiches

Posted on January 11, 2011 by danfiveoh| Leave a comment

Fish Finger sandwiches are the primary source of food for all.

Recipe

  • Warm 2 slices of crustless white bread.
  • Spread thickly with butter.
  • Oven bake 4 fish fingers until crisp but not burnt, and a potato waffle (must be a square one).
  • Place a Dairylea or Kraft cheese slice on one slice of the bread.
  • Lay the hot fish fingers lenghtways across the cheese slice and bread (4 is the perfect number and fits most sizes of loaf).
  • Place the waffle on top of the fish fingers.
  • Squirt on some ketchup (too much will overpower the fabulous taste so be gentle).
  • Shut the lid.
  • Cut in half across the fish fingers not lengthways.
  • Enjoy (the first mouthful should always burn the roof of your mouth).

This sandwich provides all the basic food groups. what other food can do such a wonderful thing?

Posted in Food & Drink, Reference

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Cheese

Posted on January 11, 2011 by danfiveoh| Leave a comment

Cheese is a common, often yellow, source of nourishment that is not to be confused with Geese, which are a flying creature capable of squawking loudly to those that pass them.

History

Cheese was first produced in the 14th century in Hackney, England. Whilst dealing with an outbreak of Marmots, locals decided to try and milk the captured vermin and found that the yield was of a creamy texture which solidified on contact with the air.

The name Cheese was decided upon by a Mr. Audrey Harriot, often believed to the be ancestor of television nitwit chef Ainsley Harriot.

Consistency

Cheese is mostly a solid, but at boiling point can melt to the consistency of tar.

In 1946, following the end of World War 2, Mr Philip Adelphia created the worlds first spreadable cheese and cornered a market that would go untouched until Thomas Dairylea created his now famous brand of triangle shaped cheese bites.

Trivia

  • In World War 1 cheese was used as both an explosive and as a source of calcium to British troops.
  • Though ‘calciyummy’, cheese does not turn the milk chocolatey.
  • There are 14 different types of cheese, 12 of which are french, 1 english and 1 swiss. All other cheeses are essentially the english cheese (cheddar) with food colouring or bits of cabbage added.

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Marmot

Posted on January 11, 2011 by danfiveoh| Leave a comment

The Marmot is a largely furry animal, well known for it’s love of Jazz and it’s acceptance of naturism into it’s own social culture.

Marmots, though often confused with Squirrels, are actually fourteen times the size of a common ground squirrel.

Diet

The Marmots main diet consists of Dairylea and Fish Fingers and although a carnivore by nature, has not been known to devour a human since 1966.

Mating Habits

Male Marmots (known as Brothers) seduce the females (Ho’s) using flowers, chocolates and taking them to major sporting events. Marmot sex lasts for around 30 minutes, and can leave the female exhausted for days. Sex involving mature Marmots can often lead in death to one of the parties involved.

Trivia

  • Marmots should not be fed after midnight, and never let them get wet.
  • During the 20th century, seven Academy Awards have been won by Marmot directors. Notable film winners include; The last Marmot, Captain Corelli’s Marmot and Captain Furry’s Wonderful Wheeliebug.
  • Marmots vary in size, the biggest Marmot on record was found to be 6’3″.
  • Marmots are immune to AIDS.
  • In 1986, the first Marmot was used as a Navy Diver, due to it’s twelve lungs and it’s ability to withstand pressure.

Posted in Nature, Reference

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